|Just keeping my head above water...|
Of course, that is always better than this option...
|I think I'm drowning|
Can someone lend a hand?
Can someone save me?
Cause I don't think I can
Don't get me wrong...it's not *all* bad...but it is tough when you have NO structures, NO "go-to's", NO "last year" to fall back on. Being a new at anything is difficult for me...it's just a personality flaw. I like to know what I'm doing, I like to have a plan, and I like to know what's coming next. I don't feel like that at all right now. I can't even get organized, because I'm not sure WHAT I'm organizing.
I keep hearing: "Wait until mid-October." Things supposedly balance out and will get better. Man, I hope so. I am really struggling with my self-esteem as a new teacher.
Of course, there are some extenuating circumstances at my school this year, outside of typical "hardships" of teaching at a Title I campus... Even my team is having days when they not only feel "new" again, but days when they question their own abilities...and there is over 50 years of teaching on my team! So, at times I think: Hey, if they feel overwhelmed too, then maybe it's not as bad as I think. And, other times, I think: Oh my God! If *they* are overwhelmed...imagine how *I* am feeling!
I know it will come. I know it will smooth out. I know I will get it. I know it because...I think I can, I think I can, I think I can... (Thanks, Classic Children's Literature.)
But, I'd be lying if I didn't say that a part of me is looking forward to NEXT year already...and being able to say YES! I'm doing that again! and NO WAY! That didn't even come close to working! or even I can't WAIT to give that a try now!